


Rejected Aveyond plots

by moonpeace (plumesvertes)



Category: Aveyond
Genre: Ahriman’s Prophecy, Aveyond 1, Aveyond 2, Aveyond 3, Aveyond 4, Crack, Ensemble Cast, Gen, Humor, Metafiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-09-28 01:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17173148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plumesvertes/pseuds/moonpeace
Summary: Absurdist short summaries of the Aveyond games that never were. Featuring Yemite’s real estate misadventures, Dameon’s textbook cover modeling career, Robin’s accidental business and political empire, the mystery of the Pendragon mustache, and more.





	1. Aveyond 5

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this blog](http://www.seinfelt.tumblr.com), which is now also a [book](https://www.amazon.com/Seinfelt-Josh-Crowley/dp/1520823967).

Rhen brings her sword into the bath, but is told that strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. She is then removed from the throne. Lars helps her start a chicken farm outside Ghalarah, but they are forced to flee when their chickens stage a coup. Marge begins serving a fruity cocktail at her bar, and soon customers visit from all over Aia to try it. John discovers he’s allergic to high fructose corn syrup.


	2. Aveyond 6

Ean finds a mysterious wooden peach in his closet, and upon touching it, is turned into a pitted fruit. Upon hearing the news, Iya frantically runs around the farm touching the elf transfigurine to every peach on the premises. Rye journeys the globe looking for creator of the wooden peach and discovers his love for travel journalism. Heptitus takes up knitting after deciding whittling wasn’t worth the splinters.


	3. Aveyond 7

Boyle forbids anyone from leaving Wyrmwood until he can find the collectible vinyl Ahriman figurine that went missing from his hall of stuff. Ingrid is too embarrassed to admit she stole and lost it, so she commissions Jinx to craft a replica. Jinx summons Ahriman and enslaves him to model for the figurine. Rowen invents the Internet and becomes the richest woman in Aia. Robin accidentally sells his soul on eBay.


	4. Aveyond 8

Emma and Uthar play a game of chess that lasts for weeks. The entire city of Thais places bets. Jack discovers the joy of gambling and takes to patronizing two-card flip halls. Not wanting to throw the city into a financial crisis, Emma stages her death so the match will stalemate by default. She and Rye move to Casket Hill to keep up appearances and subsequently lose their fear of mortality. Ava becomes distressed due to Jack’s two-card flip addiction, but is placated when he creates a card in her honor.


	5. Aveyond 9

Elini attempts to break the world record for number of husbands. She promises a free haunch to any man who marries her, and is soon inundated with proposals. She buys out the world supply of haunches and uses her new army of husbands to create a bank using haunches as its currency. Vegetarians form an economically independent civilization in the Veniara Islands. Haurvatat frequents Marge’s bar, but gives the place a health code violation when she discovers Marge is involved in a proxy war with the vegetarians.


	6. Aveyond 10

Boyle shaves his mustache off and no one recognizes him, not even himself. Ingrid develops a massive crush on Ellie Brightsword and has exotic swords shipped to her house biweekly. Phye receives his first commission and wants to send his sword off with a handwritten certificate of authenticity, but must learn to read in order to do so. He discovers that his favorite pair of boots has a swear word carved into the left heel. Myst experiments with transforming under different atmospheric pressures.


	7. Aveyond 11

Yemite attempts to get her real estate license, but is denied. Suspecting anti-darkling prejudice, she pleads Ulf to represent her in court. Ulf earns a law degree and takes on Yemite as a client, but discovers that she attempted to get her license from a fruit vendor in the Veniara Islands. In Yemite’s absence, Lars VIII hires a maid who turns out to be an undercover militant squirrel. He hires Ulf upon suing the squirrels, but loses the lawsuit since General Binx hired an older, more experienced version of Ulf from another timeline.


	8. Aveyond 12

Mel accidentally flushes her bow down the toilet and refuses to be seen by anyone but Stella. Yemite attempts to find a replacement but fails due to her colorblindness. Mel asks Stella to shave her head and embraces her new look by starting a punk rock band. June records covers of all their songs, but has nowhere to post them since Rowen hasn’t yet invented the Internet. Yvette settles down with a nice blue jay. Two months later, she invites the whole party to her children’s high school graduation.


	9. Aveyond 13

Dameon’s hair grows back and the druids believe it’s a sign from the goddess. He’s offered multiple modeling contracts, which he would accept if he didn’t have a debilitating fear of cameras. The School for Gentle Children starts teaching multivariable calculus. Brumwich citizens mistake the mathematical symbols for witchcraft and send for the Oracle’s help. The following week, the children receive a new textbook with an extremely uncomfortable-looking yet handsome Sun Priest on the cover.


	10. Aveyond 14

Nicolas and Gavin get into an argument over who clogged the toilet. Ava remarks that they don’t have a toilet, and they explain that since they ran out of real scenarios to fight about, they decided to make up their own. Emma runs out of green hair care shampoo and asks Heptitus to lend her a bottle. Heptitus replaces it with hair removal cream, unaware that Emma only uses the special shampoo for her leg hair. Rye buys a helmet of enchanted grass under the impression that it’s a toupee.


	11. Aveyond 15

Haddan gets rich by taking assassination jobs and getting the targets to pay him to fake their death. Frederick learns to turn into a fruitcake. Jack attempts to steal the moon. Devin and Alicia try to buy a summer home but run into trouble when the bank requires parental consent forms from both of them.


	12. Aveyond 16

Ingrid turns Hi’Beru into a guinea for a party trick and he discovers what he’s been missing his whole life. He lauds the benefits of guinea pig therapy to his colleagues, who begin commissioning witches all over Aia for a few minutes in rodent form. Robin wants Ingrid to go into business with him and turn Nan’s store into a guinea pig therapy clinic. Forthright gets Myst involved in a pyramid scheme, unaware that the whole thing is run by the night watch. Banana Boy questions the ethics of the Halaina underground and its relationship to the government.


	13. Aveyond 17

Gavin becomes obsessed with searching for the lost Sludgemaster 2000. Ava and Nicolas grow concerned when he begins muttering “sludge” in his sleep. Ishtar mails letters of apology to her former subjects in Shaelnir, but Heptitus stuffs the envelopes with bees. Ceri finds love for the first time in decades with the talking clock in Thais. Clockmakers are moved to tears at the wedding ceremony when Iya performs her new hit single, ‘Time After Time’. Te’ijal buys the Sludgemaster from Gavin’s birthday but has to return it after she finds it infested with beehives.


	14. Aveyond 18

John gives Rhen a fake mustache for her birthday and she discovers no one recognizes her when she has it on. Lars makes a self-improvement vision board out of his student evaluations. A mustachioed young women appears in tabloids all over Aia. A mysterious pirate methodically steals all the newspapers in Thais, and citizens are so upset at the lack of worldly news that they relocate their city to the mainland. The Thieves Guild starts performing comedy skits and merges with the Actors Guild.


	15. Aveyond 19

Iya returns to the Shaelnir sewer system to retrieve her snow princess gown and finds companionship with the rats. She becomes their queen, only to have her title revoked when they find out her husband eats rodents in his giant chicken form. The Lord of Souls repossesses Galahad’s soul from Te’ijal. The skeleton warriors from Two Moons Plains are invited to a party at Casket Hill, but things get awkward when the citizens realize they’re dancing with the cursed bones of their ancestors. Someone chops the noses off all the goddess statues.


	16. Aveyond 20

Edward hires Professor Moo to teach at the School of War and Magic, not realizing that he’s a professor of cheesemaking. Yemite and Gavin buy an apartment in Thais together, but neither of them want to live there. A young Naylithian ponders gravity one morning, and their whole city falls out of the sky. The dwarves of Gheledon tunnel to the center of the earth and find the physical space that has been stripped from the continents over the centuries. Thais becomes known for selling the best cheese outside the Arishta Isles. A mystified Thaisian real estate agent finds one of his properties abandoned and stocked floor-to-ceiling with rounds of Gouda.


	17. Aveyond 21

Robin, having run out of trinkets to use as merchandise, begins selling his and Myst’s old equipment. The militant squirrels mistake this for arms dealing and give them twenty-four hours to leave the city. Robin challenges them to a game of two-card flip and wins, thus becoming the new king of Halaina. The old king and his daughter sign up for paladin training, and Ellie Brightsword’s tragic story of estrangement from her family causes them to tearfully reconcile. Jinx tries to join the night watch under Ingrid’s name.


	18. Aveyond 22

Boyle and Ingrid compete over who can best impersonate Te’ijal. They both become so consumed by the act that they develop a craving for blood and are inexplicably able to recount events from centuries before either of them were born. Galahad searches Aia for a cure, but the only advice he receives is Banana Boy telling him to reload an earlier save. Te’ijal insists upon biting them so they can actualize their ideal selves. Hi’Beru attempts to find them in the Dreamworld to deconstruct the delusion, but is horrified to discover that they are, in fact, Te’ijal, and Boyle and Ingrid were the dream.


	19. Aveyond 23

Jack starts stealing from the Thais royal treasury to get Alicia’s attention, but she allows it as a means of redistributing wealth to the people. Avrail discovers Bessy the cow can talk, but she refuses to do so with anyone but her. Haddan discovers thousands of gold pennies tangled in his beard, but he can’t get them out unless he shaves. Frederick discovers he can shapeshift into the goddess and doesn’t know how to feel about this.


	20. Aveyond 24

Boyle and Rowen are convinced they drunkenly made out at a party, even though witnesses confirm that nothing of the sort happened. Myst asks her mother why she didn’t open a mist portal to the Shadow Isles in the first place. Rather than respond, the Mist Queen vanishes in a puff of vapor. Hi’Beru has a recurring dream of being pinched, but the pinchers are Ingrid’s nails instead of the people of Weeville. Phye realizes that vengeance only filled his heart with more unrest and finds peace as the first priest of Mysten Far.


	21. Aveyond 25

Lydia writes a tell-all book and discovers her talent as an author. She moves to Candar and settles down with a romance novelist who uses her life story as inspiration for her next series. June is offered acceptance into Shadwood Academy, but she declines, preferring to perform magic as the common people do. The priestesses of Aveyond go on strike after realizing the Oracle did almost nothing to prevent the destruction of the world via the orbs. After Te’ijal educates Edward on his family history, he dons a fake mustache and spends his summers as the anonymous owner of an Arishtan chicken farm.


	22. Aveyond 26

Rye discovers one of Nicolas’s hair ties in his pocket and is determined to return it to him. Rather than give it to Uthar, he attempts to track down Ava’s ship. By the time he finds them, he forgot why he was looking in the first place. Gavin orders a marble eye as a birthday present for Ava, but the merchant mishears his request as “marble rye”. He then makes sandwiches for the whole crew. Rye steals a sandwich for Emma, but eats it on the journey home. The princesses of Happily Ever After are convinced Jack is in possession of magic beans.


	23. Aveyond 27

Lars VIII finds an old biology textbook at Shadwood and becomes infatuated with the ethereal-looking male model on its cover. Yemite makes money doing students’ homework, which backfires when all the assignments receive failing grades. Mel’s alchemy lab partner turns out to be a reincarnation of Ahriman, but he just wants to live a normal life this time. He drops this plan and decides to take up evil again when the lab report he paid Mel’s friend to write was so bad that he was kicked out of school.


	24. Aveyond 28

The nymphs and druids start a book club and spend every meeting bickering over what to read. The Oracle disguises herself as the Shadow Oracle and realizes she’s even better at it than her old job. Te’ijal and Galahad lose their last bottle of sunscreen and use their considerable wealth to hire a team of darklings to hold a tent over them at all times. The vampires of Ghed’ahre discover that garlic bread only gives them mild rashes.


End file.
